Always had that je ne sais quoi Irritating little combo with no plans to reform The most fun you can have with your shoes on
Click here to buy the SMIRKOLOGY album


Who's That?

I've been sent a lot of cuttings about the band, some of which are definitely about them, some of which are a bit about them, and some where the link is very weak indeed. If you have anything to add to these oddments, or can throw some light on what on earth it all means, please feel free to explain it to me by email or on the bulletin boards.

Off we go, with some other band being described. Any idea who it is?


The band file on stage glowingly attired, the lead singer standing out particularly in black and gold striped trousers and yellow tailcoat. Not only has he no dress sense whatsoever, but he's a born actor. Someone starts playing very quietly, while he stands still looking bemused. Then he and the band simultaneously burst into action. As the music explodes this person kicks himself into the air and across the stage. The rest of the band follow suit, looking like the Smirks on speed. Why is it that groups from Manchester are either totally solemn or totally stupid?

It's always a help when people recommend records for me to listen to, and this list is no exception. Essential Logic was saxophonist Lora Logic's band, after she left X-Ray Spex. Squeeze's song was pretty sure to be a hit. The Golant Pistols? What sort of a name is that? Curiously, the song "Friday On My Mind" was also on the first EP from Earth Quake, the first British band signed to Beserkley. They disappeared too.

Hot Shots


  1. The Golant Pistols - Friday On My Mind (Sonet)
  2. Squeeze - Up The Junction (A & M)
  3. The Records - Teenarama (Virgin)
  4. Essential Logic - Wake Up (Virgin)
  5. Smirks - To You (Smirk Songs)

With obviously far too much time on my hands, I went digging to find out what it all meant. It turns out that my first instinct was right: the name of the band is actually "Golant Pistons". That's much better as a name for a band...

A very earnest journalist certainly needs to take more water with it in future: The thought that the bright Smirks could share the charts with Wings' rosy Rod Stewart impression of the Earthband's toy symphony or Neil Diamond's crumbling epic fills me with cold fear for some reason.


Finally, two cuttings about bands with a loose association with The Smirks, or some part thereof.


Three Freshies - Chris Sievey, Rick Sarko, Mike Doherty - had a damper thrown on their end-of-tour high jinks when the trio werev arrested following a ater fight with roadies in the toilets of a motorway service station.

Bet Lynch's Legs, a duo made up of Ian Morris from the Smirks and John Scott from 48 Chairs, play Manchester Band on The Wall on September 3.

Ah, within 24 hours of posting this nonsense, I got an email from Richard, (who admittedly was the one who sent the clips in the first place - thank you again) to point out that the band was really "Bet Lynch's Legs" (not Bert), named after the barmaid in Coronation Street. So now I can tell you that they did release a couple of records: Riders In The Sky b/w High Noon (Absurd 10) and Some Like It Hot (Absurd 11). And here are pictures of the sleeves:

Bet Lynch's LegsBet Lynch's Legs

Back to main page

Page last updated by Ian on 5 November 2006